Sigh...as a new writer, those words coming from your critique partners, beta readers, or even worse, your editor can be enough to drive you insane. As if deciding to write in the first place wasn't insane enough! Nevertheless...no matter what genre you write, it's true.
Having a problem understanding the difference between "Showing" vs. "Telling"? Let me see if I can explain it without anyone blowing a much needed brain cell.
Telling is basically taking a scene, and giving an overwhelming amount of information, such as too much back story (yes, if not written correctly, it can be overkill), or the lack of stimulating visual clues that force your reader to 'see' the scene or back drop of what the character is experiencing.
Showing is the opposite. Instead of telling a character's back story that leads up to a scene, that same information is given by way of dialogue. Another way would be instead of giving clinical descriptions about a location (there were large trees, or it was cold), describe it through the eyes of the character as they see it. What did it look like? (colors and textures) How did it feel (cold, hot, uncomfortable). Using the character's words (and the handy dandy thesaurus!), it will be much easier to make the change.
Let me give an example. This is from my original manuscript sent to my critique partners. This is a snippet from chapter five. In this version, you see the description I used (it's been crossed out because it was telling) and replaced by her suggestion which is showing.
Her delicate hand felt soft
against my callused palm. Her curvaceous body, the inspiration of last night’s
erotic dream, pressed against me. God help me, it was impossible to ignore the
softness of her breasts when they brushed across my chest.
[C1]
I drew in a deep breath and held it for a few second in an effort not wanting her to know how much she was turned me on.
Ebony’s warm body against
mine was the most exquisite form of torture.
[C1]How? (This was the comment made by my Critique partner, indicating the need to 'show' what Brian meant, instead of 'telling' what he did)
This how it works. My line was:
I struggled to slow my breathing, not wanting her to know how much she turned me on.
Okay, so you got a general idea of what he meant. However, it left the reader wanting to know more. Questions such as Why or How were not necessarily answered. What would slowing his breathing mean? How would it change anything else that could be going on inside of him?
My critique partner left a suggested change that I took and ran with once I understood what she meant.
Here is the result of the final edit:
Her hand felt soft
and delicate in mine. Her curvaceous body, the inspiration for last night’s
erotic dream, pressed against me. God help me, it was impossible to ignore the
softness of her breasts when she brushed against my chest.
I drew in a deep
breath and held it for a few seconds in an effort to control the increased
beating of my heart. I didn’t want her to know how much she turned me on.
Ebony’s warm body
against mine was the most exquisite form of torture.
See the difference?
Now the reader will get the full sense of Brian's physical reaction to holding
Ebony in his arms for the first time. His heart was racing with from the
excitement of feeling her body pressed against him, that first contact. He made
a conscious effort to slow his breathing so he wouldn't start hyperventilating
and have Ebony think something was wrong with him. He wanted to remain cool,
calm, and confident, things that he'd addressed earlier in the dialogue between
them. If I had spent time writing the scene with those words, there would have
been no oomph to the story. It would have all been telling what was going on
instead of showing how he felt.
Here's another example, one off the top of my head that is not in my novel.
Let's say your character is angry, so angry that he snaps in a moment of rage and punches the wall. As a result, he's broken his hand. There are two ways to tell this.
Telling:
"What?" he said, anger in his voice.
Phillip walked around the room knocking every available object off the table. When his path was blocked by the wall, he stopped. Unable to calm down, he reared back as far as possible and throws his fist into the wall. When he pulled back, his knuckled fist was bleeding. He'd broken his hand.
So, here, all of Phillips actions are told to the reader. There's no need for the reader to visualize what's happening because it's like watching a movie. The action is all there. Now, let's try this in a different way.
Showing:
"What?" Phillip jumped from the chair where he'd been reclining after a long day of tiring work.
His breath pumped, his fists open and closed as rage filled his very being. Unable to contain his outburst, he searched for any available outlet. The planter, the clock, not even the innocent bottle of water was spared. Within seconds, the floor was littered with debris. His ranting path was cut short by the boundaries of the living room. Without thought, Phillip zeroed in on his new target...then immediately regretted his mindless decision. Blood now stained the wall and pain radiated up us arm. Unable to move his fingers, it was time to seek medical attention.
Whew! A lot more words went into showing a characters action than just telling.
Still having a hard time trying to determine how to show and not tell?
This is what I do. When writing a scene that requires the characters actions to reflect emotion, or a lot of action, the first thing I do is write it as a telling scene. I imagine the list of actions he/she will take to get from point A to point B. Then, I read it through, allowing myself to 'see' and 'feel' their reaction. How does it affect me emotionally, physically? Is my heart racing? Do I feel my fist balling up? Is it harder to breath? Then I write exactly what I feel, as I feel it. I don't think of all the technical descriptions and go with the emotional ones. The result is what I got in the showing example. (*This technique works wonderfully when writing love scenes, too!)
